Just Us

Like most families, Dan and I tend to jam-pack every spring and summer with tons of activities as we break out of winters cold. Even if we wanted to “relax a little”, those spaces are hard to come by with a toddler and two very active school-aged kids. There is soccer, baseball, and softball for the kids, as well as softball for dad and outdoor playtime for baby. We are “on the go” pretty much all of the time. After things settle in for the evening, my husband and I might sneak in a 30 minute TV show that we recorded on DVR 2 months ago. Not surprisingly, that doesn’t feel like enough time to stay connected to each other. We find ourselves having loads of misunderstandings because we tend to organize our lives over some form of electronic messaging or while talking over rambunctious and relatively needy children. It’s exhausting. To top it off, Dan and I have don’t vacation. We didn’t honeymoon and we don’t have “date night”. For better or for worse, I’m too much of a miser to spend money we don’t have on things we don’t “need”. Dan and I have agreed that we would rather spend our extra money working our house into a little oasis. That way, we can enjoy our time at home, rather than spend money going somewhere else to enjoy ourselves. (Also, I like sleeping in my own bed J) With this in mind, last year we opened up the floor plan in our house so that we can enjoy indoor time. This year, we built a patio in the backyard so we can enjoy outdoor time. We have our own backyard fire pit and lately we’ve been staying up a little later than usual, sitting by the fire, chatting, and just being together. That’s been nice…very nice. 

Here's our newly finished backyard oasis complete with swing and fire pit. 

In fact, one of those evenings it crossed our minds that although our plan for at-home “staycations” was a wonderful plan, wouldn’t we both like to just be away by ourselves with minimal responsibility beyond eating a few times a day? 

Our answer to that quandry?

Yes, we would like that. We really would. So we devised a plan to go away for our birthday this year. And guess what? 

That’s THIS WEEK!                 

So, the plan you ask? Taking our tent, air mattress, wood, and bare food essentials to a campground and “set up shop” for a couple days. Only eat what we can cook over a fire or store in a cooler. We found a spot on the Rifle River where we can float downriver on a tube all day and the campground will pick us up to take us back. Extra bonus: the campsite is free through a family membership. There is undoubtedly some who are reading this and thinking it sounds more like a nightmare than a vacation but me...I love to take away the layers of how complicated life has gotten and just do nothing...a wonderful, beautiful, nothing. No agenda or schedule...no plan and no hassle. Most of all, I want to spend that nothing with someone I love, appreciate, value, respect, and overall adore. 

So with that settled, we did our grocery shopping last night while taming the toddler-sized shrew with a sucker in the front of the shopping cart. In three days, we will be celebrating our birthday, each other, and taking a vacation we can easily afford. I’m feeling more relaxed just thinking about it. Sure, we will be without baby boy for the longest time since his birth, but I have confidence that I will survive. 

After four years without a vacation built for two…yeah…I’ll survive. 

My Eternal Valentine

            Many years ago, at the beginning of a new school year, a 13-year-old boy sat behind a 13-year-old girl in 8^th grade English class. Being a nice boy interested in a nice girl, there were lots of jokes and laughing before, after, and during class. Not much else to speak of except for recollections of “that’s when we met”. Freshman year art class came and went with collaborative projects and good times securing our place in “the friend zone”. Until one day, sophomore year, that boy asked another friend what she thought about his chances with that girl. She gave him just the confidence he needed to ask that girl to the next high school dance that just happened to be associated with Valentine’s Day. She readily accepted his invitation and that became “the beginning”. At the dance, they did their first slow-dance to Bryan Adams, “(Everything I do) I do it for you”, which became their song.

The excitement and energy of the following 12 months is simply immeasurable. To this day, they can both recall various moments that have been burned into their memories due to the lasting effects on their lives. I can attest that the aftermath of that time was considerably painful for her because like most first loves, it became history. Over the next year, they were able to reach a place where a friendship flourished. However, the elements of intimacy and the energy of love were always there; making it rather uncomfortable to spend too much time together. Under that strain, they inevitably moved on with their post-high school lives and registered each other as firmly rooted in “the past”. Although each will admit that they remained emotionally reminiscent every time they happened to hear that Bryan Adams song.

           

Fast forward 10 years through incredibly ugly times, not even worth mentioning in a Valentine’s post kind of times. That boy and that girl, forever changed by their circumstances, barely recognizable as their former selves, find each other again.

See!                               

I’m almost embarrassed to say that it all started again with a Google search. I’m sure plenty of long lost loves have similar stories that include a Facebook search but for us, it was Google. What I most noticed about him when we finally decided to see each other again was that he hadn’t changed a bit. He looked exactly the same to me and every emotion that had ever occurred in his presence came flooding back, making me literally sick to my stomach. I couldn’t finish my lunch entrée and I noticed that he didn’t eat much of his either. Less than a year later, we were married. Each of us vowing never to lose each other again. While grieving over the time lost. Each of us remorseful for our part in it.

Since our wonderfully small and intimate wedding, we’ve lived enough life to fill those ten gone years. Bought a house, renovated it, changed jobs, changed careers, became pregnant, moved into a new house, and had a baby. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least and I’ve been happy to do it all with him. It’s funny how I can still see that 13-year-old boy despite the years gone by and the heartache he has endured. He can still start my heart with a look and reduce me to childish glee with a few words. And it’s wonderful to see the kind-hearted, generous, sensitive, reliable, and loyal man that he has become. He says kind things to me, such as how I helped him become the man we all see today. But I know that I just saw him for who he is and maybe reminded him of what was real. I also thoroughly enjoy when he tells me that he still sees that young girl when he looks at me. The one that he felt compelled to protect and always wanted only good things to happen to her. So much so, that he thought she’d be better off without him.

I wasn’t.

Reflection

Yesterday, my husband and I completed a three-day celebration of our birth 35 years ago thanks to our parents who sequentially treated us to very nice dinners. At each dinner, sitting between us comfortably placed in his grandmother-made highchair cover sat our dear little son, who is feeding himself and pushing out tooth number two as I write. I witnessed his developing personality as he smiled at waitresses, talked to those who passed by, and waved at friendly people in the parking lot. Thank God he didn’t inherit my tendency to be introverted. It has been a life struggle of mine and I’m happy to see him without it.   

As I begin plans for his first birthday party, which occurs in just over three weeks, I find myself reflective. Of course, as occurs to every mother, this year has gone by with G-force speed. I’ve done my best to document what I could and savor what I feel are the few moments I get with him as a working mother. I compare myself to my own arbitrary standards, hoping in the end that I measure up to the mother I want to be.

At the same time, as my shared birthday with my husband passes (Yep, born on the same day), I also reflect on my time with him. Friends in middle school…high school sweethearts…friends again…time lost…and God-inspired reconnection. We have packed a decade worth of living into the three short years that we’ve been married. We had a lot of catching up to do and sometimes I can forget about the time lost and feel that we’ve never been apart. I can’t imagine living this life without him and his service as a father and mate inspires me.  

I may have started my dream life at 31 years old, but hey…at least I started it.