For those of you familiar with Florence Littauer’s personality profiles, I am nearly equal parts Peaceful Phlegmatic and Perfect Melancholy. For the unfamiliar, this simply means that I have tendencies to be introverted, analytical, observant, and pessimistic. The melancholy part of me is detail-oriented, organized, thorough, scheduled, and solution-focused. The phlegmatic part of me is consistent, relaxed, quiet, and agreeable. On most days, my peaceful side trumps my perfectionistic side and I find this has served me well overall. But three weeks ago, my son began spending his weekday time with people other than his parents. Three half days in day care and eager grandparents the rest of the time. This situation had just the right portions of uncertainty, lack of control, and anxiety to wake my sleepy melancholy dragon and call it forth to take over. As soon as we heard that Dan was going to start daytime work and that we needed to organize daycare for Cole, that dragon reared its head to take control of the situation and make sure everything was absolutely and perfectly organized. I haven’t seen that peaceful phlegmatic since.
The process began with the daycare tours. I scheduled them ahead of time and we took a day or two to walk through classrooms, talk with teachers, read through brochures, ask questions, and process our reactions to each one. We followed up with grandparents (Cole has three full sets of them) to see what type of schedule they could commit to. Once it was settled, I made out a pick-up/drop off schedule for an entire month, a copy going to each grandparent with their specific schedule highlighted for them. Along with this schedule was a daily schedule for Cole, including when he gets up, eats, and sleeps, as well as food choices and diaper changes. “Did I miss anything?” the dragon asks. “I don’t think so. You can go back to sleep” I reply. But now that she’s all roused up, she keeps poking her head up, “How about now? Need anything?”
“Everything is alright. I assure you”, is my response. Over and over again. Every time that pull of anxiousness tugs at my core, I say it. “Everything is alright. I assure you”.
With each passing day, it gets easier to lay that dragon down. I need her. There’s no doubt about that…but not today. Please let my laid back, easy-going, peaceful self come back and shine on. Quite frankly, she’s more fun to be around. But don’t tell the dragon I said that. J
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| Here we are on Cole's first day of "school". That bewildered look, which is so unnatural for Cole clearly states, "So, you're leaving me here? With these people?" |
His face is PRECIOUS!! I'm glad you found a place that works for your family. And, what a support group of grand-parents. :) I know this transition had to be hard. That is SO cool that your personalities battle, I mean balance each other. hehehe Sounds like a bit of yin-yang there...
ReplyDeleteI'm Perfect Melancholy-Powerful Choleric. I swear they are going to rip me to shreds one day. I literally have to contain myself for wanting perfection and control in situations. It's a work in progress. But, I'm frightened to say that I'm pretty sure that the "Big M" or the "change" is on the horizon. Because, in recent weeks, I've seen a whole new level of "Freaking-Out" Gerri come on.
Ha! You are so great, Gerri! It does take a lot of extra effort sometimes to get that "freaking-out" part of us to just CHILL! It certainly feels like a battle sometimes, but I think the word balance sounds more appropriate too. These "parts of us" allow the flexibility to adapt to situations where one part of our personality is simply more effective. Without the ability to be flexible, our effectiveness diminishes.
DeleteSo battle on, I say!