Goodbyes

After months of deliberating, Dan and I finally decided to give our whippet Mikey to a rescue organization. We found a wonderful foster family who would keep him in their home with their other dogs until he was adopted. He would have free rein of multiple dog beds, couches, and playtime with other animals. We knew it would be great for him and better than we had been able to provide for quite some time.

Here's the handsome guy himself. Goodbye Mikey!

The harder part? Explaining it to the kids.

I knew right away that it would be best for them to come with us to drop him off, see where he was staying and how nice it would be for him. Both of them were happy with that. They even understood why Mikey would be better off with this family rather than ours. What they didn’t understand is why they would never see Mikey again. Each of them expressed contentment with the decision until they asked about whether they could go visit. I could barely look at them while saying, “No, he will need to bond with his new family”. They each kept a stiff upper lip and expressed discontent but not horror, outrage, or any other perfectly understandable emotion.

That is, until we piled back into the van without Mikey.

A quick peripheral glance towards the backseat found Emily facing the other direction, trying to hide her tears. Seeing her upset, tears welled up in my own eyes and I quickly told her that it was okay to be sad. I moved myself to the back, sat next to her, put my arm around her, and let her cry. Which she did…the entire way home. Not the dramatic cry of a child throwing a fit. Emily is nine. She doesn’t really throw fits anymore. But she silently sniffled while she thought of how this loss affected her. I asked her about her thoughts. At first she didn’t want to talk about it, which I accepted. Shortly thereafter, her words flowed much like her tears as she made sense out of those difficult feelings. And to me, that was the point of bringing them along. I knew it would be difficult but there was a teachable moment where I knew I could help Emily process and cope with her difficult feelings. This skill is so necessary to develop when they are young. The difficult emotions that await them in adolescence won’t be quite so overwhelming if they’ve learned that emotions are okay to have, okay to talk about, and do not have to be feared/avoided. That’s what I want for my children. I cannot prevent them from feeling bad but I can show them how to feel better. As for Dylan…stone-faced most of the way home. Then he burst into tears as soon as his mom greeted him that evening. Sometimes, a boy just needs his mommy. I accept that too.