After months of deliberating, Dan and I finally decided to give
our whippet Mikey to a rescue organization. We found a wonderful foster family
who would keep him in their home with their other dogs until he was adopted. He
would have free rein of multiple dog beds, couches, and playtime with other
animals. We knew it would be great for him and better than we had been able to
provide for quite some time.
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| Here's the handsome guy himself. Goodbye Mikey! |
The harder part? Explaining it to the kids.
I knew right away that it would be best for them to come
with us to drop him off, see where he was staying and how nice it would be for
him. Both of them were happy with that. They even understood why Mikey would be
better off with this family rather than ours. What they didn’t understand is
why they would never see Mikey again. Each of them expressed contentment with
the decision until they asked about whether they could go visit. I could barely
look at them while saying, “No, he will need to bond with his new family”. They
each kept a stiff upper lip and expressed discontent but not horror, outrage,
or any other perfectly understandable emotion.
That is, until we piled back into the van without Mikey.
A quick peripheral glance towards the backseat found Emily
facing the other direction, trying to hide her tears. Seeing her upset, tears
welled up in my own eyes and I quickly told her that it was okay to be sad. I
moved myself to the back, sat next to her, put my arm around her, and let her
cry. Which she did…the entire way home. Not the dramatic cry of a child
throwing a fit. Emily is nine. She doesn’t really throw fits anymore. But she
silently sniffled while she thought of how this loss affected her. I asked her
about her thoughts. At first she didn’t want to talk about it, which I
accepted. Shortly thereafter, her words flowed much like her tears as she made
sense out of those difficult feelings. And to me, that was the point of
bringing them along. I knew it would be difficult but there was a teachable
moment where I knew I could help Emily process and cope with her difficult
feelings. This skill is so necessary to develop when they are young. The
difficult emotions that await them in adolescence won’t be quite so
overwhelming if they’ve learned that emotions are okay to have, okay to talk
about, and do not have to be feared/avoided. That’s what I want for my
children. I cannot prevent them from feeling bad but I can show them how to
feel better. As for Dylan…stone-faced most of the way home. Then he burst into
tears as soon as his mom greeted him that evening. Sometimes, a boy just needs
his mommy. I accept that too.
